 All potential partners should have to disclose their "Relationship APR." In the credit
world, APR is the rate of interest you are charged for the "privilege" of having access to
credit. APRs can be really low or frighteningly high. Your relationship APR is your
Attitudinal Pain-in-the-Ass Ratio. Learn a little more about APR and other suggested dating disclosures by checking out the "Dating Disclosures" book excerpt.
Wanna estimate your own "Relationship APR?" Take the quiz below and find out!
Q1:You’re at a neighborhood pub and the waitress has come by, handed you a wine list and asked for your order. What do you tell her?
a) Wine is for fucking snobs. Bring me a Pabst, bitch.
b) Give me a second. I need to call my sommelier.
c) What’s the cheapest glass? I’m sure that will give me a good buzz.
d) Can you recommend a nice vintage?
Q2: How long does it take you to get ready for a night out with your significant other?
a) This will probably require at least two hours – tweezing, shaving, manicuring and the like. Best to call in my cadre of stylists.
b) Ready? Tell me where to go and I’ll get in a cab right now.
c) Hold on, I might want to change my shit and freshen up with some Fabreeze or a quick spray of perfume.
d) I want to take a shower and change my clothes; for the ladies, maybe a little hair and makeup time.
Q3: Where do you do most of your shopping for clothes?
a) Salvation Army
b) Target
c) Wherever my personal shopper takes me.
d) Macy’s
Q4: When ordering at a restaurant, the following phrase is likely to escape your lips (choose only one):
a) I can go back to the salad bar as many times as I want, right?
b) What sides come with that?
c) The last time I had the escargot…
d) Can you put the dressing for my field green salad on the side please?
Q5: In the last three months, I have had the following treatment or service (check all that apply):
a) manicure
b) pedicure
c) massage
d) hair highlights
e) fake tanning
f) facial
g) dermabrasion
h) botox injections
i) major facelift
j) liposuction
Scoring
Question 1: a. 1, b. 4, c. 2, d. 3;
Question 2: a. 4, b. 1, c. 2, d. 3;
Question 3: a. 1, b. 2, c. 4, d. 3;
Question 4: a. 1, b. 2, c. 4, d. 3;
Question 5: ladies give yourself one point for each time you’ve had services a – f performed; 2 points for each time you’ve had g or h done; 5 points for i and j. Guys, 1 point for each c; 2 points for each a, b, d, e, f, g and h; 5 points for i and j.
Determining Your APR
Once you have your score, here’s how you determine your APR -
4 – 6 points: Congratulations! Not only are you incredibly low maintenance, warranting an APR score of 1 or 2, you have no manners!
7 – 11 points: You are officially low maintenance with an APR of 3 - 5, and are the good example of a “cheap date.” Unlike your Neanderthal neighbors above, you have some manners and know how to conduct yourself in public. But if you are a girl, you may want to be careful – some men mistake this level of low maintenance for lack of femininity. A little more eye shadow and some lip gloss ought to fix that.
12 – 16: You are approaching official high maintenance zone, with an APR of somewhere between 6 and 8. You may or may not have a pricey grocery budget, and possibly have a separate budget for beautification expenses like manicures and massages. Guys, if you’ve managed to sneak into this range, you are probably gay, or at least others may be wondering whether you're gay.
17 – 20: Get over yourself, you high maintenance bitch! An APR of 9 or 10 means you are probably almost insufferable. Constant appointments, fittings, stylings and the like leave precious little time for anyone other than you. But that's part of the definition of high maintenance, now isn't it?
How Do You Define "APR?"
Contact the author and let her know!
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